Last Friday, I was running late to PT so I was driving a bit faster than normal. As I was driving through the intersection before the office, I looked to my right and saw my ex. She was smiling, talking on the cell, and futzing with her hair while looking in the rearview mirror.
At that moment, time stopped. She recognized me, and I recognized her. There is no other reason for her to be at that particular intersection except to be hanging out with one of her many boyfriends. I was knocked off my center. It took a little while for my composure to return, but by the end of my therapy session I was back to what I consider normal.
Shutting the door on this relationship was a very slow process. I know I still have more "letting go" to do, but I have discovered a tiny sense of serenity. It has been over a year, and I have reached the place where I don't have the energy to think about her anymore. When I start to think of her many boyfriends, or how she treated me so poorly I automatically extinguish the thought.
Acceptance, relying on a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity, and letting go has helped me get to this point. I think I am ready to look towards the future, and dream of possibilities. It is a good thing no one gets kicked out of this program for being slow.........
posted by Sober @ Sundown @ 8:04 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I have an ex who, for years, retained an annoying ability to agitate the inside of my head. I'd be going along and then wham! there he'd be with all his attendant emotional baggage! I came into the program a heathen, and developed (not very gracefully) a working partnership with HP (whom I call Alice), and began asking for help with this. All I can say is that these days the inside of my head is -- most of the time -- a fine, peaceful place to hang out! The ex appears sometimes, but I seem not to recall why I found his presence so agitating back in the bad old days.
Life..it's a marathon, not a sprint.
or as my boss always says..."it is what it is"
((thinking about you))
Oh gosh, the unplanned run-in. I've been there, and I never thought that your heart COULD hit your stomach that hard.
But wow, does it.
I ran into an ex and his daughter at a pumpkin patch last October. Not knowing, I was standing at a booth next to his. When I saw him, I could recognize that he saw me... but we both pretended not to see each other. Talk about awkward.
Oh how I wish for you to not go through such residue left over from your relationship. I see this with my mom, and how she still tries to heal from her last relatonship.
You are one strong lady. Ok I say this cuz you physically can hold your own (like w your home remodeling) and emotionally, well letting this out takes so much courage.
May you keep on your path.
I've been looking for that secret door which my ex uses to get into my head. She knows just what buttons to push!
We women go so damn deep with each other, don't we?
I can get all off my square, too, when I even THINK about my ex. And she went back to her uugghh husband!
I feel you, Sundown.
Keep your head up and in your own car,
Scout
God, I KNOW it's really hard.
One day at a time, you do see yourself getting well!
Love addiction truly is hell.
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