I have spent the morning waltzing around the confines of my mind, 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. You're powerless, something else is, just turn it over. Unfortunately bloggers, I'm not any further along today than I was yesterday. I really miss my companion. She, on the other hand, has made her substitutions, and moved on. Without the aid of drugs and alcohol, I can not shut down my feelings so I must suffer through to the end of my process.
I do not like being single. I rediscover this every day. It is not so much being single as being alone. I have spent my life struggling with this character defect. I wish I could embrace it, and rectify it, but it is always beyond my grasp.
This feeling consumes me with each passing relationship. There is such eminent dread, and fear associated with the thought of being alone. It's like a black hole that I can't escape. I know I will pop through to the other side, I just don't know when. Then, I will look back, and wonder why I was so devastated with this ending.
posted by Sober @ Sundown @ 9:58 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
It will get easier, but you have to give it time. Find other avenues to stay busy. Service work and helping others who need it, for example.
That's what I do and that's why I do it. The added benefit is that I stay sober and happy.
Take Dave's advice!
If you are not comfortable being alone maybe now might be a good time to look more closely as to why.
In the meantime, I was wondering how your new camera was working?
Have you figured out how to post pictures on your blog yet? That would be cool to see the world through your eyes...just an idea.
Thanks for sharing ~
oh yeah...I have to ask in reference to your comment on my blog about dinner,
did your ex take the kitchen sink with her?! what happened?
(kitchen ripped out /no cook)
Wow, I applaud your honesty. However, it is one thing to be alone and another to be lonely. I've been alone in a room full of people and with someone sleeping next to me.
The ending of a relationship takes time and space. It sucks, no other way to put it, but it does. It'll get easier. I know you don't believe that right now, but it will.
I know how you feel, waltzing around the confines of your mind and being single, not being comfortable for you right now.
What I have learned, and cherish, in the program, is that life changes; nothing stays the same. It may not change when and how we want it to but it does change.
Maybe going to a few more meetings will not make you so lonely? Just a suggestion.
Have a good day.
Thank you all for your suggestions. I know this too shall pass.
Tab,
My camera works fine, I just don't know how to work it yet. I did load the sw and transferred the photos to my computer. I will attempt to upload pictures today......
My ex only took my heart with her. I have it back now, it has been pulverized a bit. Three years ago a tree fell on my house. During those three years the insurance company and contractors work a number on it; one of which was to completely demolish the kitchen.
Party girl, thanks for stopping by. I think I am terrified of aloneness. The rest of the time I am just lonely. When I feel lonely I am just missing someone or something.
Barbara, thank you for your wise words and support.
And, yes daave and trudging, the program works when you work it....
I don't mind being alone, I mind being single. I thought I like being single and celibate, intil I decided to be real. Now I know why some people will do almost anything to "get" someone. As to your kitchen, I like the look.
OMG, have you been reading my mail?
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