The only good thing my ex did for me this year (it's not much) was to plant these sweet peas in my yard. It gave me a lot of joy to photograph them while they were in bloom.
I haven't blogged about my ex for some time now. I am almost over her, but there are still moments where I miss her immensely. To be honest, it is more than moments.... I still think of her from sun up to sundown. Half the time I am angry at her for her betrayal, and the other half, I miss her companionship. It has been a slow process of letting go, taking back, and letting go again. The difference now is that the emotional intensity is not as strong.
She has made her choices, and I have to accept them. Right or wrong, she has chosen to be with someone else. She may be happy, but I am choosing to think that she is not. I am enjoying this perception...... But, either way, I need to search for someone who wants to be with me. She has spent the last several months, actually the entire year expressing how inadequate I am for her. I have come to realize she will never change, and for whatever reason, she needs to maintain this opinion of me. No matter what good I have done for her, it will never be reflected in her perception of me.
Oh well. Live, learn, and continue to explore life. That is all I can do.
posted by Sober @ Sundown @ 8:50 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
Acceptance takes its time..
your moving closer to moving on it sounds like Sobes.Thanks for sharing~
ps.Sweet Peas a simply lovely :)
I love sweet peas, but can't grow them in my yard, for some strange reason.
It's hard to get over someone, especially when the breakup was such as yours. But, it sounds like you're getting a little better every day.
No on needs to love & adore someone who does not love & adore back. To not be recognized for any of the goodness in you is too unfair (nothing is fair, yeah/) & so hurtful. It is GOOD you know your own goodness even if she chooses to believe there isn't any. We can not keep folks from wanting/loving someone else if they are determined to do so. No relationship is perfect, so they all come back eventually (even if it's just wanting to be friends) & by then you will be so much better that you will not need her anymore! Seek to let go of the desperation & you will find peace. One day at a time...
Ouch! I am sorry about your Ex. Nice peas though!
From personal experience, nothing else hurts like romantic betrayal. But you're keeping your head on and staying sober. That's the best thing you can do. Healing comes one day at a time ...
Those are beautiful flowers.
My thoughts are with you.
G~
I sorry about your pain. I don't know why people act in ways to hurt each other. Wish I knew. And my brain wave control machine is as yet unoperational. So ex is not nice but sweet peas are. Thanks for sharing about your growth.
It does sound like your wounds are healing. They still are present, and scars may even follow, but as you continue to grow and nurture them they will be a part of you, and you will discover complete acceptance.
Some of the scars are so beautiful, they tell us of a time that once was. The scars help us to get to the place we are at today, can you see how amazing those Sweat Peas are.
When my wife left, even though things had gone horribly bad, it was as though a huge piece of me was torn out. It took a very long time for me to come back.
Sweet peas are beautiful.
Thank you all for your support. I am slowing healing. Someday, she will be just a glimmer of a memory.
Hmmmm, it sounds like her lack of acceptance of you as you are is a mere reflection of herself. If she has worked as hard as it sounds to let you know how inadequate you are it sounds as if she is trying to convince herself. I am grateful that she is not convincing you of the same.
I went through this experience with my ex one short year after we had our committment ceremony. Very painful and also very inspirational for me to change and grow.
Take care Sober @ Sundown - you are worth it.
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