This weekend I have prepared three areas to have concrete poured next Thursday. I asked for bids so I could just pay someone to take care of the work without my involvement. I was willing to pay extra money so I wouldn't have to do any of the labor. When the bids came in I was totally shocked, and certainly not will to pay that much! Granted, I am totally exhausted, but if everything goes as planned I will have saved myself approximately $1422.00. That is using retail labor, retail rental fees for equipment and concrete disposal, and my own time and energy.

On a brighter note, I did have enough energy to go dancing this weekend.........

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3.5 cubic yards of sand, approximately 25 wheelbarrow's placed in the garage....

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3" of sand compacted to 110 PSNike, and rebar laid out for tying.

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Tango redistributing the sand after it was completely level.

It's official, the puppy's name is Tango. It took me days and days to decide, and only minutes for her to learn her new name.

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New commands learned this week:

Leave him alone.
Stop chewing on him.
Get off of him.
That is not your tail.
That is not your ear.
Don't stand under him while he is peeing.
Come out from under the bed.
What are you doing?

I have reached a milestone today. I finally cleared out all the messages my ex, NVF, left on my cell phone. The messages dated back to 2004, and I never had what it took (whatever that is......) to erase them. For a long time I just avoided going into my voicemail. The mailbox has been full for many months and no one was able to leave messages. I was okay with this cause there were a few girls that I was avoiding from the present. However, they soon discovered that they could just text me to be heard.

The collection of messages from NVF showed the progression of our relationship. In the beginning they were very sweet and loving, and in the end they showed total distain for me. For a long time I couldn't erase them, and I fooled myself into thinking I was keeping a record of how awful, and abusive she had become. If I ever missed her so much that I couldn't take it, I could just listen to how her voice changed over time. Thing is I never did listen for that purpose; I just couldn't let go.

What I couldn't let go of was how much I enjoyed the sweet sound of her voice in the beginning. However, when I would get to the messages recorded during the end of 2005 and beginning of 2006, I would feel horrible about myself and the relationship. It was interesting how in the end she never had her phone with her to take my calls, or left it in the other room, or in the car, or.......... Still I would save them no matter how nasty they were.

It took two attempts to erase all the messages today. The first time I went through and saved every single one. It took twenty minutes to listen to each one completely. I was getting angry with myself cause I know this woman doesn't waste a second thinking about me anymore, and I should be doing the same with her memory. The second time I went into voicemail, I managed to erase every one.

I feel such a sense of freedom.

Thank goodness this is a program of progress and not perfection on the first try. Otherwise I would have been thrown out long, long ago. I am grateful for everyone who sticks with me while I go through my own twisted process to get to where I need to be.

I seem to have run out of things to say..... I have run out of thoughts. That is why I haven't posted for a while. I am stuck in the post holiday doldrums; avoiding people and things that need to be done.

I need a miracle. ".....You rush a miracle, you get a rotten miracle." Guess I will have to settle for a meeting.....

The little soul that stole my heart, and all the pink flowers.