Friday, June 23, 2006

This is my dear sweet Willow. She spent 13 years with me, and it just wasn't long enough. It never is. She was the best dog I have ever had, and I regret to share that I lost her this week. On the same day, I lost two hard drives with all my data on them. It hasn't been a very good week.

I will be taking some time off to grieve, and put my data back together. Stay well, and I will see you soon.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.

Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)

Friday, June 16, 2006

I went to see my acupuncturist today for a treatment. I have been seeing this doctor since 1987, and I believe she can heal anything. When I was laying face down on the table, relaxing for her to insert the needles, she started telling me that my ex was bring a family member in to see her. I asked if it was her mother and she said it was Scott.

Every muscle in my neck and back tensed up. Scott is her new boyfriend. NVF is half Chinese, refuses to do herbs, is afraid of needles but she wants her new boyfriend to see my doctor. I completely failed at "taking the high road", and told her that NVF is a liar, cheat, and I couldn't hold it in, a whore. Needless to say, my treatment was a total bust.

I spent the rest of the day discussing, with the committee between my ears, and a good friend, how I was going to publicly respond. All the options I came up with would make me look like a total fool, but I would feel better. In the end, I decided to do nothing, and not interfere with her choices.

I am looking forward to the day when she goes off to school, and leaves town. Even though I haven't seen this woman in over a month, I keep bumping into her presence. I am in a hurry to get her buried into my past so that I can get on with exploring life.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Another beautiful day here in southern California. I started working on my electrical wiring, but didn't get very far. Some of my tools were missing...... Hmmm, they were broken in February and I am still waiting for replacements. You would think that another resentment was brewing, but quite the opposite. I will have to replace them myself, and not wait any longer for NVF to become responsible.

I went fencing on Saturday, and once again, had a blast. I fenced with Chris, Ian and Alex. What a group! Chris is a quiet, mild-mannered epeeist, who fences foil when his real opponents are not around. Put this guy on the strip with a sword, and he becomes a wild man. He was having a bit of trouble aiming for the lame`, and scattered welts up and down my left side. One poorly aimed thrust went under my jacket, down my sweats, past the skivvies, and skidded over my abdomen to rest just inches above one of my favorite body parts. I might have to invest in some additional protective gear to continue fencing with Chris.

Ian is a young college student that doesn't waste any energy. His technique is as smooth as a well oiled machine. I don't know of anyone else that can parry and riposte with such fine precision. He is so much fun to fence.

Alex is a middle-age Italian with orangutan arms. He generally has up to three girlfriends at a time, and his only admission is, "Never trust an Italian." Sometimes I beat him, and sometimes I don't. It is always a guessing game with him because I never know what he is going to do. Somehow he defies the laws of physics.

They all managed to protest when I tried to leave early to attend the pottery sale in the park, so I stayed an additional hour. I am way too out of shape to fence for three hours straight. Add several hours of two-stepping that evening, and this old body was saying bad things to me. Sunday was a day of non-movement with only a Tango lesson in the evening.

Life is good.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I decided to be responsible the last several days, and design the electrical circuitry for my house. I am going to rewire my house, and have the electricians put in a new service. I almost have it all down on paper. I still need to account for one light and 2 receptacles..... Oops.

Last Saturday I stopped by my fencing club to pay my dues for the month. In order to avoid a certain someone, who you have all heard about, I haven't gone fencing for two months. My ex is a very good fencer, and she got me started in the sport. While we were together, I became very passionate about fencing, and after we split, I didn't know if I could maintain that passion. So, I decided to appear in person and see how I currently felt about the sport, and the people there.

I received such a wonderful, and warm welcome from my buddies and coach, that it made me really happy. I didn't realize that I missed them so much. Tonight, my Tango buddies decided that dancing wasn't in the stars, so I went fencing instead. I went to the hour group lesson, and fenced the "really good" fencers for an hour after that.

Tonight my soul is content, although my body is a bit sore. I realized that I really miss fencing. It is a thrill trying to hit someone with a three foot ice pick, and not get hit in return. I missed all the dorky guys, and my favorite lefty, who always kicks my ass. Tonight I discovered that I do still have the passion for fencing. Deal with it, she must, because I will be back..........

Saturday, June 03, 2006

My day was jammed with all kinds of activities, so I spent a lot of time driving all over the county. Once again, I had too much time alone with myself to think about current events. On this occasion, I chose to be positive and asked myself this question: If you could have three things, characteristics, or behaviors, from your previous girlfriend, and place them in a future girlfriend, what would they be?

To my surprise it took me all day long to decide what those three things would be. I even called a friend, who is well versed in my misery, for some assistance. She gave me one of the characteristics.... she must have felt sorry for me coming up empty.

So fellow bloggers, tell me what is important to you. If you are single, what would be three characteristics in a partner that you would love to have, if you are married, what three characteristics do you absolutely cherish? I will share later.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Well, I am tired of looking at my kitchen, both online and in real life, so I better think of something to write......

As each day passes I get more clarity about who I was really involved with. I have fiercely clung to the things that were good, and refused to acknowledge what was wrong. I refused to acknowledge how poorly she treated me. I know she is capable of changing her behavior, but it is clear that she has no intentions of doing so. I must stop waiting for that to happen. I finally realized this woman is not going to treat me well anymore.

I am able to change perspective, look at my errors, and modify my behavior. Today, I can focus on how I can make my life work better. I am really excited about the possibilities again......... It is so easy for me to lose this focus . I tend to forget to see what is good in my life; there are so many things to do, so many new things to discover. Today, once again, the sun is shining, and I am up for the challenge.....