Thursday, May 31, 2007

Hello Friends and fellow Bloggers. My laptop has has crashed big time. That's what I get for never doing any maintenance. I hope to be up running and blogging as soon as my dear friend fixes my machine. And, yes Scout as soon as my laptop will boot I will upload a photo of my shorts. I haven't forgotten. Any special pose you would like?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Well, I promised Scout that I would model my new cool shorts for her and post a photo. I haven't ironed them yet, so I will have to update this post with a photo. I promise I will do that before the week is out.

I feel like I am cruising on a plateau right now. I am not making a great deal of progress on my house probably because I am feeling a bit burned out. The last heavy rain exposed a cesspoool in my back deck. The previous owner didn't want to dig up the slab to connect the washing machine drain to the main pipe so he dug a big hole in the back, added the drain line outside then covered it up with the deck. It went undiscovered till a few weeks ago. This new project was added to my ever expanding list of things to do, and pushed me a bit past my limit. I became discouraged.

Discouragement is not good for an alcoholic like me. It slows me down into complete inactivity. Luckily, I have been there before, and can see it coming, so I am able to use the tools that the program teaches. Every day I would "Suit up and Show up"; I did all I could "Just for Today"; and I told myself daily, "You are not required to like it, you're only required to DO it". Consequently, I have been making progress, and I have the plumber coming at the end of the week to finish installing the new drain line. Then I can fill in the hole in my kitchen.

On a positive note, I entered some photos into a county fair today. I have been wanting to enter prints in this fair for many, many years. Every year the deadline would come and go. Every year I would regret that I forgot to pay attention. This year I managed to meet every deadline, and entered 4 prints. Now I will wait to see if any are accepted.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Today is Mothers Day. My mother is no longer on this planet so to honor her memory I go shopping and buy myself a present or two, or three.......

There were many sales going on today which seems kind of strange. You would think that people would have already bought presents for their mothers and be hanging with them today. Anyhow, no self-respecting lesbian can pass up a tee-shirt on sale. So I bought seven of them..... and a really cool pair of shorts. It was a fun experience. I rarely go out and shop for myself.

My friend, Georgia is really driving me nuts. She doesn't want to commit to not drinking. She just wants to figure out how to control her drinking. It is very apparent that she has no control, and when she drinks she behaves badly. It doesn't matter how I see things, she needs to come to her own conclusions, and make her own decisions. I just hope I can survive her process, and I truly hope she chooses to get clean and sober. In the meantime she has agreed to go to three meetings a week. Progress, not perfection.

Tango is 6 months old. I don't know what happened to that little puppy, but she has grown into a beautiful adolescent brat. I need to focus more on training, and less on how cute she is....... I absolutely adore her and she gets away with a lot of very bad behavior.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. I salute your bravery.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Well, I have discovered that watermelons are best left for eating. I just couldn't get a satisfying photograph out of the little charmer.
Last week I was suffering from my perfectionism and needed to have a perspective adjustment (a.k.a. meeting). I have had some setbacks with the house repairs, and was very discouraged. When I get discouraged I loose my motivation, and that generally leads to disaster. It is much easier to head off a disaster with a meeting then suffer all alone in my misery, and Clean up the mess I make because of it.

I contacted Georgia to see if she was up to a meeting. Surprisingly, she immediately said yes. We went to the CMA meeting that we attended before. Somehow sitting in a meeting stops my insanity from spinning out of control, and I am able to put life, and it's petty interruptions in perspective.

It took several weeks but Georgia finally arrived at the real reason to continue drinking. She doesn't want to give it up because it numbs the loneliness she is feeling. The difficult thing about watching someone struggle with this disease is that it brings you right back to your own beginning of recovery. I remember what it was like to not want to feel. I remember staying one step away from loneliness. I remember the overwhelming desire to use. No matter how much time goes by those memories are still vivid.

Fortunately, I have tools now to combat the loneliness. I know what to do when the desire to drink or use rears it's ugly head. I hope Georgia will become willing to discover these tools, and use them again.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Today I bought a watermelon for the sole purpose of photographing it. I wanted to buy three of them but I held back because watermelon is not one of my favorite fruits, and I don't think I will be able to get the dogs to eat them. I hope to get started tomorrow.....

It's the simple things that are so exciting.