Sunday, August 27, 2006

This was a good weekend. I found some peace inside, and once I recognized what I was feeling, I opened myself up to experience it fully. It is so wonderful to be completely present for such a positive feeling. Granted, the whole weekend wasn't like this, but those brief moments can add such joy to life.

Friday, my carpenter decided to take a four hour lunch. I was so pissed I could barely contain myself. I couldn't get his saw to work, so I picked up the nail gun, and started putting up the 4'x8' plywood sheathing on the garage. He showed up when I was doing this and got really nervous, and jumped in to help. He was so shocked that he actually showed up on time Saturday morning. That nail gun is a neat tool. I enjoyed using it.

Saturday, I went out dancing. I was given the opportunity to do a tenth step, and I was happy to set things right. A while back, I was very sarcastic with a woman at the dance hall. I was upset with something about my ex, and I was an asshole to her. I knew I had to make amends, but didn't see her for a long, long time. On Saturday she was there. I went up to her, and told her that I treated her badly, and that I was sorry for it. She, a normie, was shocked at first, then held out her hand for me to shake, and said she was an ass too. I don't really think she was, but that is what she recalls. It felt good to make amends, and resolve that experience.

When I was leaving one of the guys who works security stopped me, and went on and on about what a great dancer I was. He insisted that he knows because he works there, and watches everyone dance. He went on to say that I was the best dancer in the place (not really true, but I sure soaked it up). I thanked him for his kind words, and said goodnight.

Today, I went to hang out with old friends at a dog show. I haven't seen these folks for almost a year. When a friend came walking up to me I smiled and said, "Hi". She stopped, paused, and said, "You know, the older you get, the more beautiful you become". I was so flabbergasted, all I could do is stumble around for a 'thank you'. Wow! This comment came from a straight woman!

What a joy to be spoken of so well. I have allowed my ex to run my ego deep into the ground. My self esteem is pretty much non-existent these days, so I can easily be blown away with kind words. This was the grand finale to my weekend.

My friends dogs for you to enjoy.....

Clark, a handsome male Standard Poodle.

Hearts, a beautiful female Standard Poodle.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Today, I told my carpenter that if he wanted to work that was fine, but I wouldn't be around. I put my stuff in a large trash bag, and drove for a couple of hours to swim with the leopard sharks. The ocean was cold, but with my wetsuit I was able to stay in for an hour. Then I took a break, ate a few power bars, tried to warm up, then went back for some more snorkeling.

It was fun. There weren't many leopard sharks out today, but the sting rays and shovelnose rays were abundant. There were several schools of neon blue fish, but I don't know what they are called. It was kind of scary when the wave would drop, and there were 6 or 7 Shovelnose Rays underneath me. They scattered very quickly, but sometimes I was too close for my comfort.

The leopard sharks are breathtakingly beautiful. They are up to 7 feet long, and have big markings just like a leopard that are 6 or 8 inches wide. They eat crabs and small fish in the shallow waters so they swim on the bottom of the ocean. I think the season has just started so they should become more plentiful into next month.

The last time I went snorkeling with the leopard sharks I was with my girlfriend. I was kind of sad to be doing this all alone. But, during the day, I was glad that I was able to have my first experience of swimming with the sharks with her. It was a very exciting time, and left me with a very pleasant memory.

Sometimes life is so rewarding.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Another week has passed me by. I don't have anything to blog about except to share a few pictures of the progress of my house. Sorry folks, I wish I had a more interesting, juicy life to blog about, but it is rather boring right now. Work, work, work is all I do......

So, for show and type:

Here is my front yard on Tuesday....... On the right is the 8'x16'x8' trash container and my trusty wheelbarrow. The old roof is in the foreground, and the pile of debris is as tall as me (5-4).


And here is my front yard today. It took four days to put all that construction debris in that 8'x16'x8' trash container. I still have more to put in there, but I haven't removed it from the house yet. That is my goal for tomorrow.

For something a little more interesting, here is a picture of Paphiopedilum Prince Edward of York that is starting to bloom.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Well, I know everyone has been checking my blog in anticipation of the latest house construction photos. I aim to please, so without further dialogue, my roof in it's present condition. I know that you would all quickly bypass any body shots, or poodle shots, and go directly to the truss shots so, for your viewing pleasure, I have included them too. I am almost ready for framing inspection, but we keep finding things that need to be fixed.

My new carpenter is a good carpenter, and he knows his trade, but he comes with his own style of mental illness. Hopefully, I can tolerate his defects, and he can tolerate mine to get the framing done. I would love to get the house sealed up soon so I can relax and maybe take a small break. I am getting really tired of working so hard.......

The new roof........

The truss shot everyone has been waiting for........
The new living room wall.......

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

As of today, I have a new carpenter helping me. I am glad the other guy is gone. He made a mess of things, and argued with me at every step. The new guy, Manny is a nervous Nelly, but he is not hard of hearing, and he doesn't argue with me. We worked all day long, and not a single argument. The other guy, Gary had his antenna out looking for any statement from me that he could disagree with. I didn't realize how exhausting that really was.

Manny comes with his own set of character defects (Not that I am taking his inventory.....). First, he was late, which is in direct conflict with my obsession of being on time. When he left for lunch, his car broke down, and it took him 2 hours to get back. He blew my circuits several times with all his power tools, which took quite a bit of time to get things up and running again. But, he didn't argue with me. It really made for a pleasant day, out in the hot sun pounding nails.

I am hoping to have an roof inspection on Friday. I will take some pictures when all the framing is done and post them here.

FYI, I am going to change my name from Clean & Sober to Sober at Sundown. It seems a number of bloggers are having trouble with Clean & Sober as a name, so I decided to make who I am online simpler to understand.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

The only good thing my ex did for me this year (it's not much) was to plant these sweet peas in my yard. It gave me a lot of joy to photograph them while they were in bloom.

I haven't blogged about my ex for some time now. I am almost over her, but there are still moments where I miss her immensely. To be honest, it is more than moments.... I still think of her from sun up to sundown. Half the time I am angry at her for her betrayal, and the other half, I miss her companionship. It has been a slow process of letting go, taking back, and letting go again. The difference now is that the emotional intensity is not as strong.

She has made her choices, and I have to accept them. Right or wrong, she has chosen to be with someone else. She may be happy, but I am choosing to think that she is not. I am enjoying this perception...... But, either way, I need to search for someone who wants to be with me. She has spent the last several months, actually the entire year expressing how inadequate I am for her. I have come to realize she will never change, and for whatever reason, she needs to maintain this opinion of me. No matter what good I have done for her, it will never be reflected in her perception of me.

Oh well. Live, learn, and continue to explore life. That is all I can do.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Gay Pride was fun. What can I say, I feel so at home with a bunch half naked women, and men dressed up as women (and I mustn't forget all the handsome men that are totally ripped). I went to both the parade and the festival. I only walked about 4 or 5 miles, but it felt like a marathon. I saw some old friends I haven't seen in a while, and was able to get some dancing in at the festival.

BTW, I saw that girl that was hitting on me Thursday night, and I was completely unimpressed. I am grateful that I didn't pursue anything. It's amazing how a different environment will illuminate personalities. It was fun cruzing, but she is definitely not my type.

After stopping at home for a quick bite and a shower, I ventured down to the bar to do some more dancing. I connected with a woman that I usually only greet and walk on by. We had a blast. I never realized how funny she was . We tried dancing together, but we giggled through most of it. Neither one of us was able to lead the other. I couldn't see around her cause she was too tall, and she usually follows so is a bit rusty on leading.

Needless to say, I stayed out way too late on Saturday. Sunday was a bust. I didn't even have the energy to go poodle diving......